Letting Go

The first thing you should know about starting a blog is that regular blogging is the key to a successful blog. Apparently we didn't get the memo. Sorry for the delay in posting, we've been doing some letting go of our own over the past few weeks. In light of the events our family has dealt with I wanted to write something about letting go, but as our emotions are a bit tender right now I thought I would use an example from 2009.

This is the year that my niece raised her first steer. Now heres the kicker to raising a steer, it doesn't matter how attached you get, he can't stay. He will eat you out of house and home. Their big dudes and very food motivated. So from the moment he came home we all knew he would ultimately leave us during the week of Fair. His name was Pyro. Now isn't Pyro a cool name for a big black steer? It would've been cooler if he wasn't actually a kitten. Pyro had no idea that he could absolutely flatten everyone. Has anyone read The Story of Ferdinad? Remember the bull who preferred sitting under the cork tree smelling the flowers instead of bull fighting?

That was Pyro. Not that we wanted him to be ready for the bullring, but his gentle constitution made it really easy to love him and really hard to see him go. The below picture really sums up Pyro and Kayla's friendship.

I mean seriously, this is a little ridiculous! He even made it into our family picture where he promptly put his bulk down on Kayla's bare foot. Hence the irritated face she is sporting. And you thought she was just embarrassed that we made her do this.

For those of you who live in small town America you know that Fair is a BIG deal. Well, last week was our little towns fair and Thursday is Auction for all the kids who showed in market class. So after months of hard work (for those kids who actually care for and raise their own animal, well done and keep up the good work) auction can sometimes be a hard time. It can be difficult because of the excitement of finishing an animal, bringing them along from infancy so to speak, all the while knowing that this week is the end. There is real pride in caring for another life and getting a little recognition for it. Fair week for some is a real conflict of emotion. Also, surrounded by a bunch of seasoned old farmers can make a girl hesitate to acknowledge feelings of sadness about a certain beloved flower sniffing steer.

So when the big day finally came there was some trepidation and some tears. Kayla was reassured by some very dear friends that when their daughter showed her first steer, there were tears and sadness on behalf of the whole family. Certainly parents must question themselves at this point and wonder if the pain of letting go is really worth the lessons they gain. I am not a parent, but I have a niecechild and a nephewchild and I say unequivocally, Yes. The pain of letting go is worth the gain. Consider these events to be the building blocks of letting go. If one never parts with anything until the greater loss of a parent, grandparent, or sibling the pain of that can be devastating, so tremendous you may think you will never recover. Dealing with loss in our formative years inside the loving circle of a family that feels it as sharply and acutely as you, if not more, will help in letting go of a toxic relationship or a career path that is not for you or a friendship that is sucking the life and joy out of your very marrow. You learn early on that it will be o.k. It won't hurt forever and that you will move on as a stronger person.

These events 2 years ago prompted me to write a short story for my niece to chronicle the life of Pyro. And to help validate her feelings, a way of saying it's o.k. to feel this way even if some people say he's just a stupid steer. Because we knew in the painful moments following Pyro being loaded into the trailer deep lessons were being written on her soul that would carry her above and beyond pets and fair animals. We saw her strength in the past few weeks like you wouldn't believe a girl of a mere 17 years would possess. That really goes for every member of our family. There is no doubt in my mind that Pyro lended to her power.

So I am including an excerpt from the story I wrote 2 years ago, maybe it will help you to think about what you have received from loving another soul whether it be animal or human. You will never encounter a relationship of either nature that does not write a few lines of your life and leave an indelible mark on your heart.

"Dear Kayla, Love Pyro"

Now, little one, we have come to the end of our story together and before I go I need you to know these things. You thought you were my teacher, but really sweet girl, I was yours. When I struggled against my halter, I taught you patience. When I bawled intently for my breakfast early in the morning, I taught you the fine heritage of being a farmer. I taught you to earn the title. When you laid against me in the orchard and fell asleep, I taught you trust. When we walked down into the creek bed after school, I taught you to find friendship in the most unlikely of places. When I was born a Holstein Angus cross, I taught you to think for yourself and to ignore the naysayers. When I used your leg as a scratching post, I taught you to be strong. When I tried to ram you that one time, I taught you to stand your ground not let anyone bully you. When you groomed me and cleaned my stall, I taught you the honor of caring for someone other than yourself. When others would warn you not to get too attached, I taught you to love without fear of loss. At steer check, we walked perfectly and I weighed in at 1,269 pounds, I taught you to believe in yourself. When we stood together as Reserve Champion Rate of Gain, I taught you pride, I taught you to hold your head high. As we walked down the chute together into the auction ring, I saw your tears, I shielded you from the crowd's watchful eyes, I taught you to rely on those who love you when life is hard.